Freeasthewind

I know this will proabley cause a lot of people to get upset I don't want to step on toes. But, I was just in line at the store and a non english speaking person was bitching because they are going to have to pay taxes. I say go back were you came from and quit taking my money and jobs.

Robin Williams, wearing a shirt that says "I love New York" in Arabic.

You gotta love Robin Williams......
Even if he's nuts!
Leave it to Robin Williams to come up with the perfect plan.
What we need now is for our UN Ambassador to stand up
and repeat this message.

Robin Williams' plan...
(Hard to argue with this logic!)

"I see a lot of people yelling for peace
but I have not heard of a plan for
peace. So, here's one plan."

1) "The US will apologize to the world for our "interference" in their affairs,
past & present.
You know, Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin, Tojo, Noriega, Milosevic, Hussein,
and the rest of those "good ole boys", we will never "interfere" again.

2) We will withdraw our troops from all over the world, starting with Germany, South Korea, the Middle East, and the Philippines.
They don't want us there.
We would station troops at our borders.
No one allowed sneaking through holes in the fence.

3) All illegal aliens have 90 days to get their affairs together and leave.
We'll give them a free trip home.
After 90 days the remainder will be gathered up and deported immediately,
regardless of whom or where they are.
They're illegal!!! France will welcome them.

4) All future visitors will be thoroughly checked and limited to 90 days unless given a special permit!!!! No one from a terrorist nation will be allowed in.
If you don't like it there, change it yourself and don't hide here.
Asylum would never be available to anyone.
We don't need any more cab drivers or 7-11 cashiers.

5) No foreign "students" over age 21. The older ones are the bombers. If they don't attend classes, they get a "D" and it's back home baby.

6) The US will make a strong effort
to become self-sufficient energy wise. This will include developing nonpolluting sources of energy but will require a temporary drilling of oil in the Alaskan wilderness. The caribou will have to cope for a while.

7) Offer Saudi Arabia and other oil producing countries $10 a barrel for their oil.
If they don't like it, we'll go someplace else.
They can go somewhere else to sell their production.
(About a week of the wells filling up the storage sites would be enough.)

8) If there is a famine or other natural catastrophe in the world, we will not "interfere." They can pray to Allah or whomever, for seeds, rain, cement or whatever they need. Besides most of know that what we give them is stolen or given to the army.
The people who need it most get very little, if anything.

9) Ship the UN Headquarters to an isolated island someplace. We don't need the spies and fair weather friends here. Besides, the building would make a good homeless shelter or lockup for illegal aliens.

10) All Americans must go to charm and beauty school. That way, no one can call us "Ugly Americans" any longer.

11) The Language we speak is ENGLISH...learn it...or LEAVE...

Now, isn't that a winner of a plan?

The Statue of Liberty is no longer
saying "Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses.
She's got a baseball bat and she's yelling, 'you want a piece of me?' "

It's about time somebody stood up for america

Too many people put off something that brings them joy just because they haven't thought about it, don't have it on their schedule, didn't know it was coming or are too rigid to depart from their routine.

I got to thinking one day about all those women on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night in an effort to cut back. From then on, I've tried to be a little more flexible.

How many women out there will eat at home because their husband didn't suggest going out to dinner until after something had been thawed? Does the word "refrigeration" mean nothing to you?

How often have your kids dropped in to talk and sat in silence while you watched 'Jeopardy' on television?

I cannot count the times I called my sister and said, "How about going to lunch in a half hour?" She would gas up and stammer, "I can't. I have clothes on the line. My hair is dirty. I wish I had known yesterday, I had a late breakfast, It looks like rain." And my personal favorite: "It's Monday." She died a few years ago. We never did have lunch together.

Because Americans cram so much into their lives, we tend to schedule our headaches.. We live on a sparse diet of promises we make to ourselves when all the conditions are perfect!

We'll go back and visit the grandparents when we get Stevie toilet-trained. We'll entertain when we replace the living-room carpet. We'll go on a second honeymoon when we get two more kids out of college.

Life has a way of accelerating as we get older. The days get shorter, and the list of promises to ourselves gets longer. One morning, we awaken, and all we have to show for our lives is a litany of "I'm going to," "I plan on," and "Someday, when things are settled down a bit."

When anyone calls my 'seize the moment' friend, she is open to adventure and available for trips She keeps an open mind on new ideas. Her enthusiasm for life is contagious. You talk with her for five minutes, and you're ready to trade your bad feet for a pair of Rollerblades and skip an elevator for a bungee cord.

My lips have not touched ice cream in 10 years I love ice cream. It's just that I might as well apply it directly to my stomach with a spatula and eliminate the digestive process. The other day, I stopped the car and bought a triple-decker. If my car had hit an iceberg on the way home, I would have died happy.

Now...go on and have a nice day. Do something you WANT to.....not something on your SHOULD DO list. If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting?

Make sure you read this to the end; you will understand why I sent this to you.

Have you ever watched kids playing on a merry go round or listened to the rain lapping on the ground? Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight or gazed at the sun into the fading night? Do you run through each day on the fly? When you ask "How are you?" Do you hear the reply?

When the day is done, do you lie in your bed with the next hundred chores running through your head? Ever told your child, "We'll do it tomorrow." And in your haste, not see his sorrow? Ever lost touch? Let a good friendship die? Just call to say "Hi"?

When you worry and hurry through your day, it is like an unopened gift....Thrown away... Life is not a race. Take it slower. Hear the music before the song is over.

Now this a story of my family and of course I come off as the crazies by my brother's veiw lol
How crazy is the Hagemier family? Well since you asked lets see. We have the distinction of being escorted out of a funeral parlor for laughing to loud. We were making arrangments for our mothers burial. You know because she was dead and we didn't want her just laying around the house. I know bad joke but wait it gets worse. We were sitting talking with the funeral dude. that's thier titles now funeral dudes really I'm not making that up. Anyway it was my older sister you know her as breakingwind Damn I mean freeasthewind. Our younger sister lois may we call her lolomay burger butt. And the only sane person in the room besides the funeral dude Marsha my wife. And heres how it started it seems Jodi Sheryl's daughter wanted a keepsake of grandma. Oh yeah mom was going to be crispy crittered. So sis asked about a keepsake box. But for some reason couldn't think of the word keepsake or box. When we finally figured out what she wanted which she finishes by saying nothing big maybe a small toe. which puts lolo and I on the floor. The dude tells her the price which was expensive so she asks if they could bring something from home. I turn to lolo and said knowing Sheryl she'll being a butter bowl. I put up my hand and moved it up and down like it was talking Parkay I said no grandma. Which put us all on the floor except the dude and Marsha who was apolizing for us. Then I said hey sis I have preparation h box at ome will that work? she's always been a pain in our butts anyway. And we all lost it and the funeral dude stood up and led us out of the funeral parlor. My dad turned his body over to science an after they were done with it they would crispy critter him and give him back to us. They said we could pick him up or they would send him thur get this the mail. My younger sister called about him one day and they said they didn't know where he was they thought he was sent out already. Lolo called me and asked what she should do. Yeah that was a mistake on her part. Because I told her to call the post office ther and ask for the dead letter office and see if they can find our dead dad. I figured dead letter office dead guy logical choice. Yes is this the dead letter office it is well could you look to see if my dead father is there please,hello hello you still there hello. The science plce found him and My sister and her mother-in-law went and picked him . And did you know you have to have a permit to transport a dead body even a crispy crittered one across county lines. If not you can get fined. trust me you better have a permit. Is the Hagemier family crazy you decide

I believe if a little rain most fall it'll fall on me.

I believe if the glass is half full it's got a leak.

I believe money can't buy happiness but it can buy a pizza.

I believe life is like a vacuum cleaner it sucks too.

I believe if you teach the world to sing it'll be off key.

I believe love will keep us togeather. that and super glue

And I believe if life gives you lemons pucker up.

I swear this place is run by a bunch of nitwits. How do they expect me to get any transfers when I can't get an agent to answer the phone to transfer the customer too??? If that is not enough then the calls arent coming through. But all I hear is dail get the transfers. Dam have you not been listening. Look at the records we keep look at whats going on. I am going to stand here and scream and scream. Dont tell us it is the way we talk on the phone. If that was the case we wouldn't get the transfers when there are agents. Think about it. I Hate This Job.

Really make you sit back and appriceate those other 51 weekends

Sexpiration date

and I'll assume you're not in management

I am grandmother's little helper. Always at her side. She never would run me off. When she was baking she always gave me dough to roll out to make cinnamon rolls. Which was only sugar,cinnamon and butter on pie dough but oh so good.
When grandmother cleaned I was always right there to help. Proabley more in her way than a help.
Once a month grandmother cleaned all the venetian blinds. And in those days that meant taking them down and taking them apart. Now I thought that was really neat all those blinds spread out on the kitchen table.
Now I see now that grandma didnt want to rum me off or hurt my feelings. So she told me if I touched the venetian blinds I would get Warts!!
Now I didnt remember this until I got a wart on my finger years and years after she was gone. But, every time I touched that little wart I remembered what she said. I wish I could tell her that I remember and I did get the wart like she said LOL

This came from my brother and I just so agree thought I would second it.
What is it with some people. I mean I was going to mickeyD's was waiting to turn in when a car drove up behind me then came around on my passinger side and she yelled at me. She said I made her slow down and I should be more considerate. Then she flipped me off and drove away. I told my wife about it and she told me she was driving to work she stopped at a stoplight waited for it to turn when it did she turned on to the other road this car ran the redlight came up behnd her honking his horn pulled along side her and yelled she needs to learn how to drive. He then flipped her off and drove away. And let me tell you something if you get in the turning lane just to pass me that ain't going to happen you'll either turn or go into a ditch but you won't pass me. And if your in a lane that is going to merge into my lane don't try to spend up to pass me because if I have to go 100 miles an hour to stay ahead of you I will. If you want to pass me do it in the passing lane and I'll let you. I went to walmart as I drove down the parking lot this car backs out of its space. I pulled in to it. I got and this car drives up and the lady yells at me saying she saw this spot from three rows over and I stole it. she called me a dickhead mother f*cker and drove away. What is wrong with people I just don't understand it anymore

and the iron works

So remember to use sunblock before you moon anybody

When? how? Where? What?

If I wnated to hang around with a cold man with slush for brains. I'd still be married

makes me crabbier

And I don't want to so keep your curtains closed

Take comfort in the fact that your mooning everyone behind you.

I re-watched this movie this weekend and I never fail to LMAO. If you want a good laugh at nothing serious this is it

PORKY'S: A raunchy, irreverent comedy classic released in the early 80s to set the tone for all other teen flicks of that era, PORKY'S takes a look at the sex lives of a group of teenage boys in 1950s Florida in all their obsessive, unfulfilled glory. Pee Wee, the main character in this group of six Angel Beach high schoolers, is so named for the size of his appendage; nonetheless, he wants nothing more than to lose his virginity. All six spend most of their time devising easy ways to score and spying on coeds in the shower, taking breaks only to insult their large dictator-like teacher, Ms. Ballbricker, and play pranks on each other. They devise a plan to take a trip to a divey strip club in the Everglades called Porky's, where they are sure to get some action; unfortunately, owner Porky doesn't much care for the underage likes of them, and after humiliating them and stealing their money, he kicks them out.

The boys are deflated, but not for long! What follows is one of the most elaborate and uproarious revenge plots ever committed to film, one that cemented this movie's place within the canon of comedy forever. Director Bob Clark culled his own childhood memories to write the film over a period of 15 years, and the personal quality as well as the elements of racism that were characteristic of post-WWII Florida, lend the film an authenticity that rises above the mere sex comedy. It also stars Kim Cattrall, who went on to star as Samantha in SEX AND THE CITY.

Production Status: Released

Genres: Comedy

Running Time: 1 hr. 34 min.

MPAA Rating: R

Production Co.: Porky's Productions, Melvin Simon Productions, Astral Films

Filming Locations: Broward County and Dade County, Florida

Produced in: United States

we all live our life in chains, and we never even know we have the key. ~The Eagles, "Already Gone"

I have always loved that song

If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery

1) The feebleness or banality of an excuse should never be a
deterrent to its use.

2) Always put the blame on something that can't defend itself.
Children, pets, inanimate objects, and relatives living in
foreign countries make perfect scapegoats.

3) Whine convincingly.

4) Certain ailments work better than
others as excuses. No doctor or machine in the world can prove
that you don't have that headache.

5) Try to remember that nature allotted each of us only two
grandmothers to attend funerals for.

And now, some excuses:

- I was going to mail it for your birthday, but then I couldn't find it, and by the time I foundit, it was too late and I was embarrassed to send it to you.

- The baby threw up all over my dress, and we had to go home first to change.

- I'm taking care of a sick aunt...no, this is a different one.

- The car ran out of gas.

- Well, you never told me I couldn't do that.

- He started it.

- I have jet lag.

- I'd really like to, but my gerbils are having babies tonight.

- I swallowed my gold crown this morning, and I have to wait here until it comes out the other end.

- I missed the bus.

-The alarm didn't go off.

- I couldn't find a parking space.

-The Devil made me do it.

- Drugs made me do it.

- Everybody else does it.

- That's not my department.

- Our computer's down.

- We must have misplaced your original request.

- It's on someone elses desk.

- Don't ask me

- I just work here.

but you can't make him think.

The Four Agreements
1. Be Impeccable With Your Word
Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

2. Don't Take Anything Personally
Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.

3. Don't Make Assumptions
Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

4. Always Do Your Best
Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse

Hope you all have a great weekend. I leave this as a parting laugh
Signs You've Grown Up
1.Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
2.Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.
3.You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4.6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5.You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
6.You watch the Weather Channel.
7.Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up.
8.You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9.Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
10.You're the one calling the police because the kids next door won't turn down the stereo.
11.Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12.You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13.Your car insurance goes down and your payments go up.
14.You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonalds leftovers.
15.Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16.You no longer take naps from noon to 6 PM.
17.Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18.Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would upset, rather than settle, your stomach.
19.You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.
20.A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."
21.You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
22.You tune into the easy listening station...on purpose.
23."I just can't drink the way I used to," replaces, "I'm never gonna drink that much again."
24.90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
25.You no longer drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
26.You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you.

Every 7 minutes of every day someone in an aerobics class pulls a ham string.

It is 7;12pm and am getting ready to leave and start my weekend. Hope you all have had a good week and even better weekend God bless and remember to laugh and be happy

and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted?
George Carlin

Have you ever wondered where and how yodeling began?

Many years ago a man was traveling through the mountains of Switzerland.

Nightfall was rapidly approaching and he had nowhere to sleep. He went up to a farmhouse and asked the farmer if he could spend the night.

The farmer told him that he could sleep in the barn.

As the story goes, the farmer's daughter asked her father, "Who is that man going into the barn?"

"That fellow traveling through," said the farmer. "needs a place to stay for the night, so, I told him he could sleep in the barn."

The daughter said, "Perhaps he is hungry." So she prepared him a plate of food for him and then took it out to the barn.

About an hour later, the daughter returned. Her clothing disheveled and straw in her hair. Straight up to bed she went.

The farmer's wife was very observant. She then suggested that perhaps the man was thirsty. So she fetched a bottle of wine, took it out to the barn, and she too did not return for an hour. Her clothing was askew, her blouse buttoned incorrectly. She also headed straight to bed.

The next morning at sunrise the man in the barn got up and continued on his journey, waving to the farmer as he left.

When the daughter awoke and learned that the visitor was gone, she broke into tears.. "How could he leave without even saying goodbye?," she cried.
"We made such passionate love last night!"

"What?" shouted the father as he angrily ran out of the house looking for the man - who by now was halfway up the mountain.

The farmer screamed up at him, "I'm going to get you! You had sex with My daughter!"

The man looked back down from the mountainside, cupped his hand next to his mouth, and yelled out.....

"LAIDTHEOLADEETOO"

No moving parts, no batteries,
No monthly payments and no fees,
Inflation proof, non taxable,
In fact, it's quite relaxable;
It can't be stolen, won't pollute,
One size fits all, do not dilute.
It uses little energy,
But yields results enormously,
Relieves your tension and your stress,
Invigorates your happiness;
Combats depression, makes you beam,
And elevates your self-esteem.
Your cirulation it corrects
Without unpleasant side effects.
It is, I think, the perfect drug,
May I prescribe, my friend......the hug!

A nurse took the tired, anxious serviceman to the
bedside.

"Your son is here," she said to the old man. She had to repeat
the words several times before the patient's eyes opened his eyes,
Heavily sedated because of the pain of his heart attack, he dimly
saw the

young uniformed Marine standing outside the oxygen tent.
He reached out his hand. The Marine wrapped his toughened fingers
around
the old man's
limp ones, squeezing a message of love and encouragement.

The nurse brought a chair so that the Marine could sit beside
the bed. All through the night the young Marine sat there in the
poorly
lighted ward, holding the old man's hand and offering him words of
love
and
strength. Occasionally, the nurse suggested that the Marine move
away
and
rest awhile. He refused. Whenever the nurse came into the ward, the
Marine was oblivious of her and of the night noises of the hospital
-
the clanking of the oxygen tank, the laughter of the night staff
members exchanging greetings, the cries and moans of the other
patients.

Now and then she heard him say a few gentle words. The dying
man said nothing, only held tightly to his son all thr ough the
night.
Along towards dawn, the old man died.
The Marine released the now lifeless hand he had been holding
>> and went to tell the nurse. While she did what she had to do, he
waited.

Finally, she returned. She started to offer words of sympathy, but
the
Marine interrupted her. "Who was that man?" he asked. The nurse was
startled, "He was your father," she answered. "No, he wasn't," the
Marine
replied. "I never saw him before in my life."
"Then why didn't you say something when I took you to him?"
"I knew right away there had been a mistake, but I also knew he
needed
his son, and his son just wasn't here.
When I realized that he was too sick to tell whether or not I
was his son, knowing how much he needed me, I stayed "
The next time someone needs you ... just be there. Stay.
We are not human beings going through a temporary spiritual
experience.
We are spiritual beings going through a temporary human experience.

AND GOD WILL BLESS YOU ! THIS IS
WHAT WE ARE PUT ON THIS EARTH TO DO ANYWAY. RIGHT

for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.

From a friend felt would give equal billing
We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. Please note: these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it! We'll get it for you, but just LET US KNOW WHAT YOU WANT!!!

1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on the calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. Please pick one.

1. Come to us with a problem o